Tiny Human

There's a tiny human in there  

Woah. 

Holy. Crap. 

Yeah, it's really, finally happened. It sounds so strange to even THINK the words in my head as I type this. 

A "happy little accident" is what they call it right? Or is that not right to say? Because, well, clearly some day our little 14 year old brat will stumble upon this blog, read it, and think/know that he was an accident?!!!? Oh God, listen to me. I'm insane. And yes, I am calling it a him. Don't ask me why.

I am so scared. This is the SCARIEST thing ever!

The kind of stuff that truly scares the bejesus out of me is the not knowing stuff. I am pretty much the biggest control-freak-need-to-plan-write-everything-down-list-making person I know. I hate not knowing. 

One thing I do know though, is that I pretty much knew I was pregnant before I took this test. When I woke up three days ago and realized I was just a teeny bit later than normal this month, my boobs were aching, I was crampy, and my hormones were raging out of control, I decided to take a pregnancy test, just in case. "Sure, it's probably just my period" I thought, but a little voice inside me also said that there's a big chance there would be two little lines on it. I just felt different. I was really nervous when I took it. Like, heart pounding out of my chest nervous. And while I waited for the result to develop, I took comfort in the waiting period by lying in the fetal position on the bathmat. 

I got up. Two lines! Following a mini heart attack, I showed baby daddy the test and we hugged and then had a long, happily nervous chat in bed. We said things like, "This is a good thing!" and "Everything is going to be okay," and "You have nine months to get used to it." You know, all of those things that people say when they don't know just what to say. Surprisingly they were all oddly nice to hear. It was really very reassuring to have his support and open ears and arms just to lean on right then. We stayed in bed most of the morning watching Netflix, letting it all sink in with our minds on autopilot. 

We kind of knew this was going to happen, but just didn't expect it to happen so incredibly soon.     

After all, for the last couple of months we have been "NOT Not Trying." That is the name I gave having sex and doing absolutely nothing to prevent making a tiny human. And when I said that out loud my husband laughed and said "the moment we start 'NOT Not Trying' is the second we start trying." 

We both had a good laugh and didn't speak anymore of it.

I really can't believe it only took like, um....a month or so of NOT Not Trying to actually conceive!!!

So now that the initial shock has worn off, we are beginning our journey as parents together one day at a time. 

We have googled a hundred pregnancy related things already, and put a halt on a porch painting project that I wanted to get done this week because fumes are bad and all for pregos. He is not letting me clean the cat litter due to some weird thing about how cat turds are toxic (score), and also told me not to clean the bathroom because the cleansers we use are nasty and also toxic (score again). I've been chugging water all day long and snacking a lot and inspecting my belly often to see if I can notice even the slightest change (so far, it's the same...thank god). And cleaning anything I can; it seems to distract me from processing or even thinking all the mind-blowing thoughts I seem to be having right now. 

A doctor's appointment has been made (Aug 6th), and a plan to alert the fam and close friends is in the works. It's still really early. They said I am about four weeks along, so we're keeping it very hush-hush until further notice... 

...Which is really why I felt the need to write this blog. I should probably be working on reading the huge baby books I checked out of the library yesterday or potty training the new BABY PUPPY we just got (yeah, for real - wonderful timing, haha), but I just needed to get this big news out somehow. 

And for now I will keep chugging water and snacking and scrubbing, and snuggling my boys (dog children) and telling myself that everything...will be just fine.