Baby Thoughts

As I sit here mowing down my lunch of a monster turkey reuben, surfing the web, trying not to get sauerkraut juice all over the keyboard, I am distracted by the millions of thoughts running through my mind. So I decided to try and clear my head by writing today.

My house is quiet and peaceful, yet cluttered with junk all over, and dust and fur balls are clinging to everything. I am distracted by them too but really don't feel motivated enough to clean anything at all. We've been on a pretty regular schedule of deep cleaning just about every couple weeks; vacuuming, mopping, dusting. But it gets gross by the end of the second week, where we are currently. Oh well.

And as I sit here and write this, having finished my sandwich, the deep thud of the baby's kick still pleasantly surprises me even though he's been doing that for five whole weeks (but getting bigger and stronger each day now). It's as if he's giving me a high five for the deliciousness that somehow immediately reaches him. It's so weird, and amazing, how that happens every time I eat something.

I keep thinking in my head, that I can't wait to meet you little baby boy. I keep staring at your pictures on the fridge, admiring your cute little button nose and how curious you seem to look in my favorite one, the one with your hands clasped. You are gonna be a cutie, that's for sure.

It sounds weird to say but I feel like the reality of my pregnancy is finally starting to set in. Somehow I just didn't get the excitement for the first twenty weeks or so that is now coursing through my veins. I guess it just didn't seem like it was really happening, even though it clearly was from day one.

My belly is starting to feel like a balloon, and I am pretty sure that every single day it gets just a teeny bit bigger. I was getting dressed this morning and noticed that even if I tried really hard to hide my baby bump, it would be nearly impossible at this point. Which is a good thing of course...I just wish I had some winter clothes to wear that accentuate it. I have a ton of shirts that are all perfect for warm weather, which are not the most practical thing to wear right now. I meant to go shopping today for maternity sweaters but it just didn't happen. I got distracted by all the other stuff that is distracting me, and now I have no time or energy left in the day to make the thirty minute drive to Motherhood & Maternity. Oh well.

I feel like there is so much to do, it's overwhelming and instead of being proactive and accomplishing something, I go all OCD on everything at once, and nothing really gets done. We need to paint the baby's room. Oh but first, I need to get my ass off the couch and fill the TWO HUNDRED nail holes that are covering the surface of the walls (the last owners of this house apparently were hoader-types, and hung a lot of their hoards on the walls). And then after that is done, I need to clean the dust and dirt off the walls, but I really don't want to, because my winter rashy skin is already here and it will hurt to put my hands in a bucket of hot soapy water. White girl problems. I hope our baby isn't as sensitive as I am.

And I need to finish our baby registry. I haven't even step foot in a store and it's seriously overwhelming to even look online at stuff. How the hell should I know what is going to be useful right away? And how many bottles do we need? And nipples? Which ones???! Ahg...so many choices. What the hell comes and does not come with a breast pump? And can I just sanitize bottles in the dishwasher? Breast pumps are so expensive. I don't really want to technically ask someone to get one of those (or anything really pricey for that matter) but at the same time I know we probably could use a little help right about now, and a breast pump is one thing I shouldn't go without. Everything adds up so fast.,..it's painful to think about.

Anyway, this seems to be my brain, on pregnancy hormones. I am trying to nest but it seems very cluster-f***. Oh well!

I am going to go lie down now and get some kicks in with my baby. :)